Watching water slowly flow down the street after a normal amount of rain
I remembered waking up at 4am on the kitchen floor, a knife on the floor near my hand. The sharp red light of the furnace display. Minutes take ages to go by when you look at the clock.
I know that I tried to kill myself at 1am. I do not know what happened between 1 and 4. I just woke up, stood up, ribs and back hurting from sleeping on tiling, looked at the clock go by, put back the knife.
I remember that night was bad. I do not remember how it felt. It used to reach extremes that I just can no longer imagine.
So that brings us to the funny thought : what if I actually killed myself - and some magic actually retconned that. What if everyone's magic retconned their death, but only to them. Others get to live in a universe where the death happened. Use whatever magic you can come up about consciousness, soul, god, or whatever.
Is this hard to conceive? I think it's actually easier to understand than trying to conceive how being dead feels like.
Anyways, may this help you build intuition about how arbitrary intuition is. I don't have more to say about it
kthxbye
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